Stream of consciousness....

I wonder what it would be like to be really be known by another human. To be studied and thought about. To get to answer probing questions. To be loved enough to try and make sense of your mess. To not have to explain everything you do. When you are thinking, they know your thinking face. When you are sad, they know the right way to ask you about it. When you are worried, they tell you to stop, because they know that would encourage you and not make you angry. They would tell you the truth. You wouldn't have to explain yourself over and over. Misunderstandings would be few and far between, they would happen, but they would know you well enough to know that you would like to figure it out. They give you the benefit of the doubt. they understand that your tears aren't scary, they just come on often occasions. They would see your weaknesses and recognize their own, but love anyway. and even when they don't "know," they try to learn more...

I wonder what that would be like.

Knee surgery...

I had knee surgery on September 28. About a month and a week ago. I am doing well and I would like to thank so many people who blessed my soul!

First, My Mom, Dad and Jenni for taking me surgery and being there for me. It is nice to know I am not alone.

Mom and Dad: for taking off work, waiting on me, cooking me meals, helping me with my meds and caring more than I ever could ask for.

Bethany and TK Scott: I will never be able to express how grateful I am for your friendship to me. Thank you for opening your house for a whole week and a half and letting me take over your home, thank you for meals, thank you for serving me. I am so blessed by you two!

Sandy: For coming to visit, bringing flowers, listening, praying and painting my toenails.

Jenni and Art: for laughing at me when I was high on Norcos. =)

Sylvia Cowells and family: for visiting me, bringing flowers and making me get well cards.

Melissa and Bekah: My two RAs who drove all the way to Beaumont to bring me starbucks and flowers.

Ian: Thank you for my guitar, the cheesecake, for moving me back, grocery shopping and lots of encouraging words.

Ashley Rotter: For making me a get well bag, with Starbucks and magazine.

Heather Hubbert: for DVDs, cards, pumpkin cookies, visits and never ending encouragement.

Kristin W: for the West Wing and your surprise visit, even though I wasn't there. ha ha

Marcella and Andrew: for the visit and subway lunch.

Colleen Chao: For driving all the way to Beaumont to see me

My RAs for the there never ending encouragement, visits, support and big huge chocolate cupcake! oh and the constant reprimands for walking too much! =)

Kyle Smith for visiting and making a delicious fall dinner.

Hillary B for the coffee and visits.

Jay Stovall for taking me to physical therapy.

Hannah: for the chick-fil-a, visits and rides to therapy.

Dorothy and Mel for the visit and cheer.

Paul, Lindsay and Ally for the surprise visit.

Stephanie, Hope and Anna for the lovely card and get well phone calls, I loved that!

There are so many ways that I was blessed.

Thank you God for a job that provides health insurance and for a great surgeon.

My heart is full.


Sorry about the pictures. That is weird.

Sufficient

Lately, I have had blogger's block. A few of my dear friends have asked that I write again. Since I will have more time later, I thought I would post a quick and encouraging story I heard yesterday.
It is from Charles Spurgeon and his contemplation of the verse "My Grace is sufficient for you..."

He was riding home and he compared himself to a little fish swimming in the Thames River, and he was worried that he might drink too much water and dry up the river. The Thames said to him, "Drink away little fish. My stream is sufficient for you."

Next he thought of a little mouse in the storehouses of Egypt. He was afraid that his daily eating would empty the supply and he would starve to death. Then Joseph comes and says, "Cheer up, little mouse. My granaries are sufficient for you."

Then he thought of a man climbing a high mountain to reach its summit and dreading lest his breathing might exhaust all the oxygen in the atmosphere. The Creator booms His voice out of heaven saying, "Breathe away, oh man, and fill your lungs. My atmosphere is sufficient for you!"

What is it that you think will exhaust the Grace of God in your life? Drink deeply, eat your fill and breathe it in, for it never runs dry........

Oh Lord, I've given it my best, so take my love away....

I was working in my office this afternoon on assignments and organizational stuff, so my soundtrack of choice was a sermon by CJ Mahaney entitled "Do Not Love the World." I have heard CJ speak a few times now at the RESOLVED conference and I find that I am deeply challenged by his messages and that my affection for Christ is heightened by the truth of his sermons. God works through him.

The sermon is quite convicting and I began to think of all the ways that I love the world. Towards the end of the sermon, he points out that love for the world makes our love for God absent. I began to think over this. It is VERY sobering. He asked many questions that pierced my mind and heart.

Am I more concerned about being well-liked and popular than I am about the gospel truth?
Am I haughty about what I do and what I am good at?
Are my desires for worldly success and pleasure?

Mahaney points out that worldliness begins with examination of the heart, not the world. He says the world will dazzle you...

So I bought the Book "Worldliness."

I am really nervous to read this. Honestly. I am realizing that so much of my mind and heart are focussed on the things of this world and not on the things above. I focus on the fleeting instead of the will of God which is eternal.

AND the other day I took out my old Shane Barnard CD. There is a song on the album "Rocks Won't Cry," entitled "Take my Love Away." Take my love away from the World and Me. Oh Lord, I've given it my best, so take my love away....

Here I come Conviction, I hope you welcome me in and lay it on me easy. For I fear I will be spending alot of time with you in the next few days.

Please listen to that sermon. It is on the Sovereign Grace website. It is good for your good.

Here's hoping

I really 'hope' that someday I can live in this Greenwich Village neighborhood. Manhattan, NYC.

You know, there are alot of things that I hope for in this life that I might not receive. I always toss the word 'hope' around like it means the most trivial thing. "I really hope my mom makes chicken enchiladas on Sunday for dinner, I really hope that I get invited to that party, I really hope that the US wins this soccer game against Ghana!"

...Then I get disapointed.

It goes deeper as well. "I really hope I get married, maybe even before all my younger siblings do? Maybe before I turn 30?"

...Then I get disapointed.

BUT, Hope is a gift from the Almighty and Gracious Father meant for His chosen. His chidren. It is a hope that will never end. He meant it for our souls, our satisfaction, our perserverance, our delight. For when we hope in the ONE TRUE GOOD GOD, we are delighted, we laugh at the future, and long for His nearness. When we hope in the things that He has given us....

...then we are never disapointed.

Talking to yourself....

Well, as many people are, I talk out loud to myself all the time. Most of the time it is a list of things I need to do and it doesn't have significant impact on my soul. Recently I have begun to practice the discipline of speaking truth to myself instead of listening to mySELF. SELF lies. Emotions are not truth, however powerful they may feel. The Gospel is the Truth.
Would you join me in this? It brings perspective and it centers your thoughts on the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Read this:

“Preach to yourself” by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones:
“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc.

Somebody is talking. Who is talking? Yourself is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.’…

The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’– what business have you to be disquieted?

You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’– instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.

Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: ‘I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God.’”

– D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Its Cure (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1965/2002), pages 20-21.

Also, listen to CJ Mahaney's sermon Downcast Soul/Hopeful Soul from the Resolved Conference website. It is from the 2009 conference. Worth every second.

I'm gonna go tell myself to Hope in Him,
Merea

How To:

So many times I have tried to write this blog. I have given up every time because I refuse to be the woman who writes about prolonged singleness. I think somehow if I write about singleness it will keep me in a forever state of singleness, I will become the woman no man wants to date because they fear I would get serious too fast due to my candid blogposts about not wanting to be single, and then, I would be known as that woman you refer your single friends to, "You should read Merea's blog, she is single." NOOOO, I don't want to know how you feel, I want to be married. HA HA HA. and then my greatest fear of writing about singleness is perhaps the fear that God will actually use what I say in other women's lives. You say, "Wait, isn't that what you want Merea??" Yes, I do. But I would rather God use me in other ways. Why can't He use me in Married women's lives, mother's lives? Well......you see my point. =)

Now that I have admitted, confessed and repented. Here I am. Ready to write about it. and I TRULY hope this will encourage some of you out there. Whoever you are in the world wide web.

I decided I would write a 'How To' article that applies to Christian women who are 25 or older and have a desire to get married. Similar to the popular magazines out there, maybe they will publish this?? lol, jk, but seriously. Here's hopin.

How NOT to be encouraging:
So many people are well meaning when they say these things, and they make a single gal's heart just burst in two. I just thought I would let you know.
1. "When you finally reach contentment, God will bring Him along." OR "Stop looking, that's when it always happens." NOT ENCOURAGING. and I really want you to examine that faulty statement. Do you actually mean what you are saying? That I need to achieve something (contentment) to get a blessing from God? So those married are content and singles are not? You have achieved something that I have not achieved yet? I don't think that is true.
2. "Just enjoy being single right now." NOT ENCOURAGING. Just because it is hard occasionally, and we actually still have that deep longing to be married with children of our own, does not mean that we do not enjoy life. Sheesh. Now, I realize some women REALLY need to do this and stop moping around. However, I would venture to ask. Would you say that to a barren woman? What you are really telling a single woman(who wants to be married), is "just enjoy being unable to live out your deepest longing, just enjoy it." I don't think so. Not encouraging.
3. "Are you putting yourself out there?" NOT ENCOURAGING. What does that even mean in a Biblical context? I am very active, have a lot of guy friends, and am involved in a ton of activities. I still would like to be the woman that has a man pursue her. "If you chase a man, you will be chasing him the rest of your life." -Mark Driscoll
4. "You have all the time in the world." NOT ENCOURAGING. I might have time at home, but I don't have a family to come home to every night, I don't get to debrief the day with a spouse, and I am alone. Besides, single women have to work, they don't have all the time in the world.
5. Being afraid to talk about it. NOT ENCOURAGING. Single girls want to be asked about their lives.

How TO encourage your over 25 Christian girlfriends:

1. "You will have so much to offer your husband one day." That is the single most important and encouraging thing you can say to someone like me. I get teary eyed just typing it, some of us feel like we are old and not as fresh as we should be for a man. Hearing that we still have a lot to offer and have the potential to be great wives and mothers one day is really, SO ENCOURAGING!
2. Invite us to your family gatherings. Children's birthday parties, etc. I have heard so often "I am sure you don't want to hear about all of this boring baby stuff." yes, we do. Well, I do. and I am almost positive the rest of us do.
3. Tell us you are praying that God will grant us our heart's desire. SO ENCOURAGING.
4. Tell us that you understand why we are discouraged. SO ENCOURAGING. Having someone say to me "I don't understand either," is nice. Don't know why, but it is.
5. Point us to Christ. That is ALWAYS ENCOURAGING.

Now, I hope this does not have any hint of bitterness in it. That is not my heart at all. I just thought it would be nice to know how to encourage one another. NOW, I am going to task my friend Stephanie Rogers to write a "How to Encourage your married mothering friends." Because I know I fall short in that area. =) She is the greatest person to write this. I respect her so much.

For all the single ladies out there,
Merea (can't believe I just posted that, ahhhhhhhh)

Dream Like New York....

I took these while in my favorite city. I want to live there....

If only....

If us girls spent the same amount of time thinking about how to walk in righteousness as we do what we look like....

If our fear of getting spiritually complacent matched our fear of gaining weight...

If our detest for ugliness became a detest for sin....

If our desire for a man became dim in light of THE SON OF MAN....

If the desire to be successful in other's eyes became a desire to love others unconditionally....

If we were more concerned about being kind than being talented....

If we understood forgiveness....

If we stopped thinking about ourselves....

If we hoped instead of worried....

If only....

Another Brother

We were in New York...

It was cold and beautifully Christmaslike...

We walked out of the subway across the street from Central Park....

Joey Logan was there waiting for my youngest sister Hannah....

It was a surprise, he came to New York City to surprise her.......

and propose marriage.....

She said yes.

My new brother. Joey Logan. =)