So. Another thing, since people only seem to read and comment the blogs I write about singleness, I thought I would write another one.
I can't tell you how many people have told me to go online. "Oh try Match.com, and EHarmony is a christian one." it is the only way to find someone these days."
I know plenty of great, Godly people who have tried those type of things. I just cannot see myself doing that. Whatever happened to single guys asking single girls to go out and have coffee or something. So many people in the Christian community are against dating. I think maybe us girls expect too much, and the guys are intimidated by that. Or do guys expect too much and girls are intimidated by that? Anyway, people say that online dating is a safe way of getting to know someone. How the heck is the internet safe?
Just wondering what everyone else thought. It seems dangerous, it seems desperate, meanwhile, I am working on the whole contentment thing. It doesn't seem like something content people do. I have pretty much decided on not doing online dating, but what do you think?
12 comments:
oh merea,
i am with you on everything you have said...i don't even know what to say about the online dating but i do not know how it can possibly be the right way to do dating. i have friends who do it and it seems like it involves too many people trying to get the same person and dating a million different people at the same time to see which one you like best, and well... after hearing about it, i can say it is def not something i am interested in:) i do believe that when we persue God entirely, He takes care of everything, which includes providing partners who will join with us in our continuing journey of furthering the Kingdom. maybe that is an old school type of mentality but, when it comes it comes. you are a wonderful woman after God's heart...do not ever let go of that. And, since that is the case, God must be cooking up something really terrific for you:)
internet dating? sounds shady. it just seems too weird to me! not realistic. No. No sir. No online dating for me either!
But, I guess for those out there who have found true world wide web love- I'm happy for you. Just not my cup of tea. different strokes for different folks
I'm gonna be honest. i am done with the current dating movement....to confusing and full of drama.
I like it to be simple and sweet. untainted by the world, by gossips, by other's expectations
Well, let the old guy wade in. I say "Amen." Why are there so many warnings to parents about monitoring what your children are doing online if the Internet is so "safe?"
One argument I've heard from Internet daters is this: "It allows you to get to know someone without looks getting the way." To me that is somewhat deceptive and potentially emotionally harmful. If a person is going to find real love that love will be with the "whole" person. Looks are a part of who that person is. We cannot separate physical attraction from spiritual, emotional, etc.
Of course, anyone who takes that to mean that physical is the "only" factor or even the most important is simply missing the point.
Merea,
Interesting topic, and one that seems to come up a lot. I was actually the best man in a wedding of someone met his wife through the internet. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject, that I wrote on someone else's blog a month or so back:
I don't think online dating is evil or necessarily sinful, but I don't think it is ideal. I think people have turned to it as other systems and institutions that used to function better, have failed or broken down.
Here are a few examples. As communities have become more isolated and people hardly ever stay in one place it has become more difficult to meet people.
Second, families are less close knit and involved in the whole marriage process than they were for centuries (and still are, in many parts of the world). Plus, families hardly know other families, and if they do, the kids usually move away from each other. This makes it difficult to maintain stable, ongoing relationships that enable people to get to know peers over a long period of time that will be prospects for future marriage.
Third, churches (not your church) have failed in a myriad of ways, and have left a lot of Christians to online dating sites. I'm not saying churches should throw singles parties so they can meet and get married, or do match-making (they shouldn't). But churches should teach boys a lot better about responsibility and leadership, so they grow up to be men who want to get married and lead a family, rather than play and run from challenges and commitment. Churches should create fellowship in which young men and women can see healthy marriages and families and be inspired to that ideal, and provide meaningful and God-centered worship, ministry and fellowship, which is the ideal environment (even better than a bar or web site) for getting to know who someone really is.
Not all churches have failed in this, but too many.
I really think the main problem is men who won't take leadership and are still acting like teenagers. I know of way too many godly girls that would love to get married, and way too many guys that don't have the guts to marry them. I notice I don't see any guys blogging about the angst of singleness. They need to step up.
One last thing - I think your dad should get a blog. I would be a regular reader.
- Mark
I agree with 'Walter' =) on this one. Looks are a part of a person. Also, one of the most important things to me is how a person interacts with others. Are they kind? Respectful? Sincere? Humorous? Are they willing to serve? Probably some really important things in considering a significant other. How can you observe things like that on the internet? YOU CAN'T!
And Mark.....thanks for your comment. I agree with you 100 percent. I think young men of our day our enjoying an extended adolescance. I hope there are some left that are wanting that commitment. =)
I think internet dating is shady... But I have a friend in my cohort who met her boyfriend at one of the chritian dating web sites.. They seem to be doing well... But as for me... I'll refrain from online dating!
Dear Merea,
I don't have a comment on internet dating BUT I have a whole new perspective on this contentment issue. Since people make comments like, "when I was finally content being single, God gave me a husband" I thought I would follow that line of thinking. So, I'll be content being poor, then God will then give me lots of money!!
Love, Mom Harvey
P.S. "Well- intentioned people" give guys a hard time about their singleness too.
Dear Merea,
I really like your writing style. Your sense of humor and charasmatic personality makes me weak. In regards to your post, match.com, I would have to respectfully object- only because of you. I have been reading your blog for awhile- I can't keep myself away. at home, at the office, at church, at the gym...I'm drawn to your blog spot. I tried to give up for lent.. but alas, I am weak. Perhaps you can make me a stronger man....and more fulfilled. for now, i will be your secret web admirer (no I am not a spider). by the way, I think that this could be love. true, unadulterated, passionate, LOVE.
Your beau
Just do what Anthony did and find them on Myspace! :)
Rea, you're wonderful! thanks for being true to the deep things of life! I miss you.
PS I'm going to Germany this summer. :)
Dear Merea,
First, it has been too long since last we have spoken. Sorry about the silence.
Now, onto the matter at hand: I have a lot of emotions on this blog, not so much about internet dating, though I think it is a farce, but on men persuing women, etc. Here's the thing: internet dating lets each party continue in a sea of self-doubt and non-commitment. By gauging a person solely based on their writing, we fail to see the "true self" of the person, especially in how they deal with family, friends, etc. It is too easy to "be someone else" online. Eventually the lies will come out, of this I am sure, but it may be too late by then.
We are admonished to guard our hearts. As a strong woman of God, I don't think it is up to you to go putting it out there on the fence for anyone to look at, examine, twist in their hands. You know that already. This is a reminder, not a rebuke. Remember that you are a child of the Most High King and you deserve to be worked for, sought after as a precious gem of His Kingdom, fought for, died for.
When it comes to men persuing women, please remember that most men, even (especially) Christian men, do not know what it means to truly be a man. We are given rules without repercussions, a lack of boundaries and a culture that equalizes the sexes to the point of mass-emasculation of the male gender. Many of us have fogotten how to be fierce, brave, courageous and, dare I say it, dangerous. Our cause is one of placation, quiet reservations and a noblesse oblige to morality. When we get angry, it is most often than not, used in a sinful manner -- either coming to surface in violence or passivity. We become angry within our own spirits and we do not understand that God has created us, wired us, to be the Strong Man.
This is getting lengthy, so I will cut it a little shorter. You deserve to be persued and a man will come along who will do that. You just gotta be patient and maybe prod him along a little bit with things like encouragement, respect and a healthy dose of boundaries. I hope that helps.
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