Knee surgery...

I had knee surgery on September 28. About a month and a week ago. I am doing well and I would like to thank so many people who blessed my soul!

First, My Mom, Dad and Jenni for taking me surgery and being there for me. It is nice to know I am not alone.

Mom and Dad: for taking off work, waiting on me, cooking me meals, helping me with my meds and caring more than I ever could ask for.

Bethany and TK Scott: I will never be able to express how grateful I am for your friendship to me. Thank you for opening your house for a whole week and a half and letting me take over your home, thank you for meals, thank you for serving me. I am so blessed by you two!

Sandy: For coming to visit, bringing flowers, listening, praying and painting my toenails.

Jenni and Art: for laughing at me when I was high on Norcos. =)

Sylvia Cowells and family: for visiting me, bringing flowers and making me get well cards.

Melissa and Bekah: My two RAs who drove all the way to Beaumont to bring me starbucks and flowers.

Ian: Thank you for my guitar, the cheesecake, for moving me back, grocery shopping and lots of encouraging words.

Ashley Rotter: For making me a get well bag, with Starbucks and magazine.

Heather Hubbert: for DVDs, cards, pumpkin cookies, visits and never ending encouragement.

Kristin W: for the West Wing and your surprise visit, even though I wasn't there. ha ha

Marcella and Andrew: for the visit and subway lunch.

Colleen Chao: For driving all the way to Beaumont to see me

My RAs for the there never ending encouragement, visits, support and big huge chocolate cupcake! oh and the constant reprimands for walking too much! =)

Kyle Smith for visiting and making a delicious fall dinner.

Hillary B for the coffee and visits.

Jay Stovall for taking me to physical therapy.

Hannah: for the chick-fil-a, visits and rides to therapy.

Dorothy and Mel for the visit and cheer.

Paul, Lindsay and Ally for the surprise visit.

Stephanie, Hope and Anna for the lovely card and get well phone calls, I loved that!

There are so many ways that I was blessed.

Thank you God for a job that provides health insurance and for a great surgeon.

My heart is full.


Sorry about the pictures. That is weird.

Sufficient

Lately, I have had blogger's block. A few of my dear friends have asked that I write again. Since I will have more time later, I thought I would post a quick and encouraging story I heard yesterday.
It is from Charles Spurgeon and his contemplation of the verse "My Grace is sufficient for you..."

He was riding home and he compared himself to a little fish swimming in the Thames River, and he was worried that he might drink too much water and dry up the river. The Thames said to him, "Drink away little fish. My stream is sufficient for you."

Next he thought of a little mouse in the storehouses of Egypt. He was afraid that his daily eating would empty the supply and he would starve to death. Then Joseph comes and says, "Cheer up, little mouse. My granaries are sufficient for you."

Then he thought of a man climbing a high mountain to reach its summit and dreading lest his breathing might exhaust all the oxygen in the atmosphere. The Creator booms His voice out of heaven saying, "Breathe away, oh man, and fill your lungs. My atmosphere is sufficient for you!"

What is it that you think will exhaust the Grace of God in your life? Drink deeply, eat your fill and breathe it in, for it never runs dry........

Oh Lord, I've given it my best, so take my love away....

I was working in my office this afternoon on assignments and organizational stuff, so my soundtrack of choice was a sermon by CJ Mahaney entitled "Do Not Love the World." I have heard CJ speak a few times now at the RESOLVED conference and I find that I am deeply challenged by his messages and that my affection for Christ is heightened by the truth of his sermons. God works through him.

The sermon is quite convicting and I began to think of all the ways that I love the world. Towards the end of the sermon, he points out that love for the world makes our love for God absent. I began to think over this. It is VERY sobering. He asked many questions that pierced my mind and heart.

Am I more concerned about being well-liked and popular than I am about the gospel truth?
Am I haughty about what I do and what I am good at?
Are my desires for worldly success and pleasure?

Mahaney points out that worldliness begins with examination of the heart, not the world. He says the world will dazzle you...

So I bought the Book "Worldliness."

I am really nervous to read this. Honestly. I am realizing that so much of my mind and heart are focussed on the things of this world and not on the things above. I focus on the fleeting instead of the will of God which is eternal.

AND the other day I took out my old Shane Barnard CD. There is a song on the album "Rocks Won't Cry," entitled "Take my Love Away." Take my love away from the World and Me. Oh Lord, I've given it my best, so take my love away....

Here I come Conviction, I hope you welcome me in and lay it on me easy. For I fear I will be spending alot of time with you in the next few days.

Please listen to that sermon. It is on the Sovereign Grace website. It is good for your good.

Here's hoping

I really 'hope' that someday I can live in this Greenwich Village neighborhood. Manhattan, NYC.

You know, there are alot of things that I hope for in this life that I might not receive. I always toss the word 'hope' around like it means the most trivial thing. "I really hope my mom makes chicken enchiladas on Sunday for dinner, I really hope that I get invited to that party, I really hope that the US wins this soccer game against Ghana!"

...Then I get disapointed.

It goes deeper as well. "I really hope I get married, maybe even before all my younger siblings do? Maybe before I turn 30?"

...Then I get disapointed.

BUT, Hope is a gift from the Almighty and Gracious Father meant for His chosen. His chidren. It is a hope that will never end. He meant it for our souls, our satisfaction, our perserverance, our delight. For when we hope in the ONE TRUE GOOD GOD, we are delighted, we laugh at the future, and long for His nearness. When we hope in the things that He has given us....

...then we are never disapointed.

Talking to yourself....

Well, as many people are, I talk out loud to myself all the time. Most of the time it is a list of things I need to do and it doesn't have significant impact on my soul. Recently I have begun to practice the discipline of speaking truth to myself instead of listening to mySELF. SELF lies. Emotions are not truth, however powerful they may feel. The Gospel is the Truth.
Would you join me in this? It brings perspective and it centers your thoughts on the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Read this:

“Preach to yourself” by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones:
“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc.

Somebody is talking. Who is talking? Yourself is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.’…

The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’– what business have you to be disquieted?

You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’– instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.

Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: ‘I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God.’”

– D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Its Cure (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1965/2002), pages 20-21.

Also, listen to CJ Mahaney's sermon Downcast Soul/Hopeful Soul from the Resolved Conference website. It is from the 2009 conference. Worth every second.

I'm gonna go tell myself to Hope in Him,
Merea

How To:

So many times I have tried to write this blog. I have given up every time because I refuse to be the woman who writes about prolonged singleness. I think somehow if I write about singleness it will keep me in a forever state of singleness, I will become the woman no man wants to date because they fear I would get serious too fast due to my candid blogposts about not wanting to be single, and then, I would be known as that woman you refer your single friends to, "You should read Merea's blog, she is single." NOOOO, I don't want to know how you feel, I want to be married. HA HA HA. and then my greatest fear of writing about singleness is perhaps the fear that God will actually use what I say in other women's lives. You say, "Wait, isn't that what you want Merea??" Yes, I do. But I would rather God use me in other ways. Why can't He use me in Married women's lives, mother's lives? Well......you see my point. =)

Now that I have admitted, confessed and repented. Here I am. Ready to write about it. and I TRULY hope this will encourage some of you out there. Whoever you are in the world wide web.

I decided I would write a 'How To' article that applies to Christian women who are 25 or older and have a desire to get married. Similar to the popular magazines out there, maybe they will publish this?? lol, jk, but seriously. Here's hopin.

How NOT to be encouraging:
So many people are well meaning when they say these things, and they make a single gal's heart just burst in two. I just thought I would let you know.
1. "When you finally reach contentment, God will bring Him along." OR "Stop looking, that's when it always happens." NOT ENCOURAGING. and I really want you to examine that faulty statement. Do you actually mean what you are saying? That I need to achieve something (contentment) to get a blessing from God? So those married are content and singles are not? You have achieved something that I have not achieved yet? I don't think that is true.
2. "Just enjoy being single right now." NOT ENCOURAGING. Just because it is hard occasionally, and we actually still have that deep longing to be married with children of our own, does not mean that we do not enjoy life. Sheesh. Now, I realize some women REALLY need to do this and stop moping around. However, I would venture to ask. Would you say that to a barren woman? What you are really telling a single woman(who wants to be married), is "just enjoy being unable to live out your deepest longing, just enjoy it." I don't think so. Not encouraging.
3. "Are you putting yourself out there?" NOT ENCOURAGING. What does that even mean in a Biblical context? I am very active, have a lot of guy friends, and am involved in a ton of activities. I still would like to be the woman that has a man pursue her. "If you chase a man, you will be chasing him the rest of your life." -Mark Driscoll
4. "You have all the time in the world." NOT ENCOURAGING. I might have time at home, but I don't have a family to come home to every night, I don't get to debrief the day with a spouse, and I am alone. Besides, single women have to work, they don't have all the time in the world.
5. Being afraid to talk about it. NOT ENCOURAGING. Single girls want to be asked about their lives.

How TO encourage your over 25 Christian girlfriends:

1. "You will have so much to offer your husband one day." That is the single most important and encouraging thing you can say to someone like me. I get teary eyed just typing it, some of us feel like we are old and not as fresh as we should be for a man. Hearing that we still have a lot to offer and have the potential to be great wives and mothers one day is really, SO ENCOURAGING!
2. Invite us to your family gatherings. Children's birthday parties, etc. I have heard so often "I am sure you don't want to hear about all of this boring baby stuff." yes, we do. Well, I do. and I am almost positive the rest of us do.
3. Tell us you are praying that God will grant us our heart's desire. SO ENCOURAGING.
4. Tell us that you understand why we are discouraged. SO ENCOURAGING. Having someone say to me "I don't understand either," is nice. Don't know why, but it is.
5. Point us to Christ. That is ALWAYS ENCOURAGING.

Now, I hope this does not have any hint of bitterness in it. That is not my heart at all. I just thought it would be nice to know how to encourage one another. NOW, I am going to task my friend Stephanie Rogers to write a "How to Encourage your married mothering friends." Because I know I fall short in that area. =) She is the greatest person to write this. I respect her so much.

For all the single ladies out there,
Merea (can't believe I just posted that, ahhhhhhhh)

Dream Like New York....

I took these while in my favorite city. I want to live there....

If only....

If us girls spent the same amount of time thinking about how to walk in righteousness as we do what we look like....

If our fear of getting spiritually complacent matched our fear of gaining weight...

If our detest for ugliness became a detest for sin....

If our desire for a man became dim in light of THE SON OF MAN....

If the desire to be successful in other's eyes became a desire to love others unconditionally....

If we were more concerned about being kind than being talented....

If we understood forgiveness....

If we stopped thinking about ourselves....

If we hoped instead of worried....

If only....

Another Brother

We were in New York...

It was cold and beautifully Christmaslike...

We walked out of the subway across the street from Central Park....

Joey Logan was there waiting for my youngest sister Hannah....

It was a surprise, he came to New York City to surprise her.......

and propose marriage.....

She said yes.

My new brother. Joey Logan. =)

This relates very well to my last post. =)

Thankful, in every situation, even singleness....

It is funny to me how many people feel the need to feel sorry for me. How uncomfortable people are with the fact that I am, shall I dare say the dreaded word? Single. OH DEAR HEAVENS! Say it ain't so!!!!!!

I actually had someone say to me:
"My family and I were talking about you the other day Merea, and how we all feel really sorry for you."
I said, "Really? Why is that?"
They said "Well, you know, how you are single and not dating anyone and your sisters all are and they are getting married before you and everything."
YES folks. That actually happened to me. I can only laugh at that. I get comments like that often. Actually, many people feel the need to "fix" my terrible condition. Tell me all the ways I can remedy this catastrophic situation in my life. "Are you putting yourself out there?" "Do you have any guy friends?" "You know if you finally realize that you would be okay single and content, God will bring someone along." At my sister's wedding: "well Merea, we thought you would be first, we need to get you married, etc."

I just wanted to tell everyone to stop. I'm okay. Are you going to be? Stop feeling sorry for me, I do that enough on my own for Pete's sake, as we all do. lol.
Now, I must admit, I want to get married with all of my heart and soul. I want to find a Godly man, commit my life to him, and have a family. I am ready for that and have been for a very long time. BUT GOD doesn't have that for me right now. There are so many people who tell me, without even knowing my heart, that if I am content being single that God will finally bring the right man along. What if God wants me to be content IN singleness? What if God is constantly teaching me about reliance on Him as I walk this path that I would not have chosen on my own? What if He has a different plan for my life? Would that be okay?


Let me tell you about my life right now. Maybe you won't feel sorry for me anymore. I am young, 28 and beautiful, if I might say that. =) I have a job that allows me to minister to 18 and 19 year old women. I get to laugh with them, teach them, pray for them, tell them about Christ, and see them grow. I have a wonderful variety of friends, and yes, alot of good guy friends, who encourage me often. I have a beautiful apartment where I host parties and make dinner for those girls and friends all the time. God has given me the ability to sing, and I get more and more opportunity to use that everyday. I have had the opportunity to travel to nine different countries, I have seen New York at Christmas time, and am headed to Seattle for a spring break service trip. I got to be in two musical productions last year. I have a wonderful family, who have blessed me everyday in more ways than I can count. A Godly father who preaches the Word, a Mom who cares about even the details of my heart, 3 sisters who are and forever will be my best friends, and a brother who makes me cry because I am so proud of who He is becoming for Christ.
I have health and shelter.

But most of all....
I have a God, who sent His Son to die for my sins, who gave me abundant and eternal life, who adopted me into His family, made me an heir, and counted me righteous.

What more could I have?

I would challenge everyone, no matter what walk of life you are at, to encourage those single adults you know, not feel sorry for them. Invite them to your home, because they are friends, not out of pity. and introduce them to your other single friends. ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Happy Thanksgiving, from one thankful single woman, who needs to write this post more than others need to read it. Good reminder to myself.

Love Stinks

Dear Weather.com,

Everything you say to me is disappointing. I wait in expectation for your declaration of love to me and my heart breaks over and over again! You lead me on and toy with my emotions in ways I cannot express. How can you live with yourself?

You know how much I love sweaters. You know how my heart leaps for joy when I can see my breath in the air. You know how beautiful I think the color of changing leaves and the smell of fireplaces burning is. Why? WHY?? WWWHHHYYYYY????

You know how much cuter I am in scarves, hats and warm sweatshirts. Why must you torture me over and over again with summer clothing.

I get sick, literally sick, because I go from Air conditioning to gusts of HOT air and my emotions are overwhelmed!

Hot coffee is better than iced coffee.

Please! Some good news would be welcome. Tell me how much you love me, whisper sweet nothings into my ear, embrace me, kiss me with kindness.

Always anticipating your love, tell me what I want to hear Baby,

Merea =)

CHANGE: Friend and Foe

CHANGE.

A word that has come upon me so swiftly in the last 4 days, I can hardly breathe.

Change has never come easy for me. Sometimes it excites me, sometimes it scares me terribly. This time it is both.

There are so many ways that my life is changing drastically this week and I am a bit overwhelmed, emotional, excited, sad, stressed, scared, confident, lost and nostalgic. Just to name a few of my feelings. and yes, I feel each of those so true through my mind and heart this week.

This week on Monday, I interviewed with the President of California Baptist University for a job that I have been interested in for awhile. The Director of the Women's Dorm. I was hired on Tuesday morning, and asked to start on Wednesday. Tuesday I went into tell Arrowhead Christian Academy, a place so near and dear to me, that I was leaving for sure. I showed up Wednesday at 8 am and have been in meetings or packing ever since. I move into a new apartment this weekend and change my life drastically.

I was given 3 hours on Thursday morning to clean out my classroom that I have been teaching in for the last 5 years. I didn't realize the toll it would take on me. As I opened each desk drawer and cleaned out each cabinet I saw the many student projects, personal thank you letters and pictures that I have kept for encouragment. See, I had fallen deeply in love with each of them, in the most sincere way I can explain. Each day I had them smiling at me, learning from me, listening, and watching them grow. I had a staff and faculty around me that committed to the cause of Christ so passionately and encouraged me to do the same. I am having a hard time leaving so quickly. I knew there would come a time, but I didn't think I wouldn't have the time to say thank you and tell them I will miss them and take time in my room closing the door to that chapter.

But I want to say that. To the students, fellow faculty, and staff of ACA: It has been an amazing 5 years, I have lived and learned along side of you, seen you grow, prayed for your hurts and you have prayed for mine, and seen Our Savior in you. Thank you and Goodbye. I will miss all of you, and I hope to see you soon. Go Eagles!

Change also came in my family: our dog, Sadie, a beautiful golden retriever, who was in our family since I was in elementary school, died on Wednesday. Everytime I came home to our house in Beaumont for the last 15 or so years, she was there to greet me. When we were growing up and one of us wasn't home, she would wait at the door for us sleeping and then when we came home she would return to her regular bed. She was a part of our family. I know that might sound odd to some, but she was. We even had a stocking for her at Christmas time. I miss her. She had a rapidly growing tumor and was in pain and my Dad decided to put her down on Wednesday. Which was day one of my new job. Change wasn't good then. Bye Sadie. Thanks for being such a cute puppy, fun companion to take walks with, and always happy to see me.

Along with all the other things I will be leaving my two wonderful roomies, Colleen and Sarah, to live alone in the top floor of a girl's freshman dorm. There is an apartment there, of good size, but it is not the same. I know that the ministry that will take place as a result of living there will far outweigh the hardships, it is just another one of the many drastic changes that I am facing with excitement and timidity. To Colleen and Sarah: Thank you for showing me unconditional love, being my sounding boards, counseling me through hard times, and having lots of fun. I will miss getting to see you everyday. You both mean so much to me. I love you both. There are not enough words.....


So yes, CHANGE. Something that has slapped me in the face and delighted my soul all at the same time.

I will be glad on that day, when seasons stop changing, we say no more goodbyes, we are not scared, stressed or tired. But our faith will be made sight, hope will be realized, and prayer will turn into praise. Praise, to the unCHANGEing God, the beginning and the End, our Life. Him. who changed us.

Joy to find in every station....something still to do or bear...

This hymn has rocked me to the core this summer. Read the words slowly, it is so rich with truth. Hard truth. May I will be able to sing these words and mean them with all my heart.

Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own

Man may trouble and distress me,
’Twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me;
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me,
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me,
Show Thy face and all is bright.


Go, then, earthly fame and treasure,
Come disaster, scorn and pain
In Thy service, pain is pleasure,
With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father,
I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine? (repine: to be fretfully discontented; complain)

Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.
Heaven’s eternal days before thee,
God’s own hand shall guide us there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

From Garbage to Growth for Good...

This summer I prayed about what passage to study, and all I heard in my mind was Galations. It was obvious that I needed it. The Lord has taught me so much in the last 2 months of my life.
I was recently sitting with my family on my parent's back porch. My Dad was commenting on a tree in our backyard that would not grow, no matter what he did! He trimmed it and watered it. Nothing. He said that a few years ago, he just had had enough and hacked it all the way to the ground! Then he looked at me and said, "and look at it now, its grown into a beautiful tree." He would not know how much that describes my life in the last year. God has pruned me, hacked me down and stripped me. All to begin sin awareness and ultimately new growth. Galations talks of living dead to your old ways and walking in the spirit. Also, Romans 8. God will take us through whatever it takes to conform us to the image of His Son. He calls that our good. May we see His discipline as a friend, our good.

Read Galations and Romans 8 this summer if you are looking for a place to start.

This is quite personal, but I thought that it might encourage some.
My summer prayer:

Dear Father,
Praise to You who know so well what to do with me.
I praise You for Your sovereign plan to do GOOD
and by that you mean conformity to Your precious Son, our treasure, Jesus Christ.

Help me to accept Your good intention for You've promised good to me.
Satisfy me in Your lovingkindness, that I may be glad all of my days.

Forgive me for sinning against You in lust, bitterness, jealousy and selfishness.
Help me to live in freedom, not in bondage, for I am set free of sin!
Adopted into Your inheritance, Your child, redeemed for Your pleasure.

Take my singleness and use it for Your glory.
May I accept what You have for me in this time
whether it be dessert or mountain top.
May I prove, over and over, Your goodness to me.

Help me fulfill Your law by loving others as I love myself.
Grant me the ability to think of others instead of wallow in self-pity.
Forgive me for that.

Turn these wasted years into restored goodness.
Strengthen me in Your Word. For Your Word is good.

Help me to die daily, recognizing what it means to be crucified with Christ,
putting off the flesh and living by faith in the Son of God
who loved me and delivered Himself up for me.

Thank You for grace.

Summer 2009.
My beginning journey out of the pit.

1918

Photo taken in 1918 at Camp Dodge. 18,000 men training in an army camp. How cool is that?

Thankful....

Right now I am really thankful for my roommates. This year they have become my family. I come home everyday and we laugh and have a blast. Most of all, they love me despite my weakness and I am blessed to have found people like them in this stage of my life.

Sarah Day- thanks for always listening to me and always wanting to hang out. I have so much fun with you. You mean the world!

Colleen Langley- thanks for laughing at me and making me laugh every night, thanks for encouraging in the Lord and praying!

I love you both!

I had the best weekend.

I am loving my new book club. Even though we only met once.

I am being broken and humbled more than ever before.

I miss my friends.

I loved seeing Marcella, Alex and Andrew on Saturday.

I am way being in grading because I had too much fun this weekend.

My Dad and Mom just celebrated there 25th year at Fellowship in the Pass Church. It was amazing.

I love my life, may I always remember the blessings.

The Students and I in Ukraine