Love Stinks

Dear Weather.com,

Everything you say to me is disappointing. I wait in expectation for your declaration of love to me and my heart breaks over and over again! You lead me on and toy with my emotions in ways I cannot express. How can you live with yourself?

You know how much I love sweaters. You know how my heart leaps for joy when I can see my breath in the air. You know how beautiful I think the color of changing leaves and the smell of fireplaces burning is. Why? WHY?? WWWHHHYYYYY????

You know how much cuter I am in scarves, hats and warm sweatshirts. Why must you torture me over and over again with summer clothing.

I get sick, literally sick, because I go from Air conditioning to gusts of HOT air and my emotions are overwhelmed!

Hot coffee is better than iced coffee.

Please! Some good news would be welcome. Tell me how much you love me, whisper sweet nothings into my ear, embrace me, kiss me with kindness.

Always anticipating your love, tell me what I want to hear Baby,

Merea =)

CHANGE: Friend and Foe

CHANGE.

A word that has come upon me so swiftly in the last 4 days, I can hardly breathe.

Change has never come easy for me. Sometimes it excites me, sometimes it scares me terribly. This time it is both.

There are so many ways that my life is changing drastically this week and I am a bit overwhelmed, emotional, excited, sad, stressed, scared, confident, lost and nostalgic. Just to name a few of my feelings. and yes, I feel each of those so true through my mind and heart this week.

This week on Monday, I interviewed with the President of California Baptist University for a job that I have been interested in for awhile. The Director of the Women's Dorm. I was hired on Tuesday morning, and asked to start on Wednesday. Tuesday I went into tell Arrowhead Christian Academy, a place so near and dear to me, that I was leaving for sure. I showed up Wednesday at 8 am and have been in meetings or packing ever since. I move into a new apartment this weekend and change my life drastically.

I was given 3 hours on Thursday morning to clean out my classroom that I have been teaching in for the last 5 years. I didn't realize the toll it would take on me. As I opened each desk drawer and cleaned out each cabinet I saw the many student projects, personal thank you letters and pictures that I have kept for encouragment. See, I had fallen deeply in love with each of them, in the most sincere way I can explain. Each day I had them smiling at me, learning from me, listening, and watching them grow. I had a staff and faculty around me that committed to the cause of Christ so passionately and encouraged me to do the same. I am having a hard time leaving so quickly. I knew there would come a time, but I didn't think I wouldn't have the time to say thank you and tell them I will miss them and take time in my room closing the door to that chapter.

But I want to say that. To the students, fellow faculty, and staff of ACA: It has been an amazing 5 years, I have lived and learned along side of you, seen you grow, prayed for your hurts and you have prayed for mine, and seen Our Savior in you. Thank you and Goodbye. I will miss all of you, and I hope to see you soon. Go Eagles!

Change also came in my family: our dog, Sadie, a beautiful golden retriever, who was in our family since I was in elementary school, died on Wednesday. Everytime I came home to our house in Beaumont for the last 15 or so years, she was there to greet me. When we were growing up and one of us wasn't home, she would wait at the door for us sleeping and then when we came home she would return to her regular bed. She was a part of our family. I know that might sound odd to some, but she was. We even had a stocking for her at Christmas time. I miss her. She had a rapidly growing tumor and was in pain and my Dad decided to put her down on Wednesday. Which was day one of my new job. Change wasn't good then. Bye Sadie. Thanks for being such a cute puppy, fun companion to take walks with, and always happy to see me.

Along with all the other things I will be leaving my two wonderful roomies, Colleen and Sarah, to live alone in the top floor of a girl's freshman dorm. There is an apartment there, of good size, but it is not the same. I know that the ministry that will take place as a result of living there will far outweigh the hardships, it is just another one of the many drastic changes that I am facing with excitement and timidity. To Colleen and Sarah: Thank you for showing me unconditional love, being my sounding boards, counseling me through hard times, and having lots of fun. I will miss getting to see you everyday. You both mean so much to me. I love you both. There are not enough words.....


So yes, CHANGE. Something that has slapped me in the face and delighted my soul all at the same time.

I will be glad on that day, when seasons stop changing, we say no more goodbyes, we are not scared, stressed or tired. But our faith will be made sight, hope will be realized, and prayer will turn into praise. Praise, to the unCHANGEing God, the beginning and the End, our Life. Him. who changed us.

Joy to find in every station....something still to do or bear...

This hymn has rocked me to the core this summer. Read the words slowly, it is so rich with truth. Hard truth. May I will be able to sing these words and mean them with all my heart.

Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own

Man may trouble and distress me,
’Twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me;
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me,
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me,
Show Thy face and all is bright.


Go, then, earthly fame and treasure,
Come disaster, scorn and pain
In Thy service, pain is pleasure,
With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father,
I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine? (repine: to be fretfully discontented; complain)

Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.
Heaven’s eternal days before thee,
God’s own hand shall guide us there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

From Garbage to Growth for Good...

This summer I prayed about what passage to study, and all I heard in my mind was Galations. It was obvious that I needed it. The Lord has taught me so much in the last 2 months of my life.
I was recently sitting with my family on my parent's back porch. My Dad was commenting on a tree in our backyard that would not grow, no matter what he did! He trimmed it and watered it. Nothing. He said that a few years ago, he just had had enough and hacked it all the way to the ground! Then he looked at me and said, "and look at it now, its grown into a beautiful tree." He would not know how much that describes my life in the last year. God has pruned me, hacked me down and stripped me. All to begin sin awareness and ultimately new growth. Galations talks of living dead to your old ways and walking in the spirit. Also, Romans 8. God will take us through whatever it takes to conform us to the image of His Son. He calls that our good. May we see His discipline as a friend, our good.

Read Galations and Romans 8 this summer if you are looking for a place to start.

This is quite personal, but I thought that it might encourage some.
My summer prayer:

Dear Father,
Praise to You who know so well what to do with me.
I praise You for Your sovereign plan to do GOOD
and by that you mean conformity to Your precious Son, our treasure, Jesus Christ.

Help me to accept Your good intention for You've promised good to me.
Satisfy me in Your lovingkindness, that I may be glad all of my days.

Forgive me for sinning against You in lust, bitterness, jealousy and selfishness.
Help me to live in freedom, not in bondage, for I am set free of sin!
Adopted into Your inheritance, Your child, redeemed for Your pleasure.

Take my singleness and use it for Your glory.
May I accept what You have for me in this time
whether it be dessert or mountain top.
May I prove, over and over, Your goodness to me.

Help me fulfill Your law by loving others as I love myself.
Grant me the ability to think of others instead of wallow in self-pity.
Forgive me for that.

Turn these wasted years into restored goodness.
Strengthen me in Your Word. For Your Word is good.

Help me to die daily, recognizing what it means to be crucified with Christ,
putting off the flesh and living by faith in the Son of God
who loved me and delivered Himself up for me.

Thank You for grace.

Summer 2009.
My beginning journey out of the pit.

1918

Photo taken in 1918 at Camp Dodge. 18,000 men training in an army camp. How cool is that?

Thankful....

Right now I am really thankful for my roommates. This year they have become my family. I come home everyday and we laugh and have a blast. Most of all, they love me despite my weakness and I am blessed to have found people like them in this stage of my life.

Sarah Day- thanks for always listening to me and always wanting to hang out. I have so much fun with you. You mean the world!

Colleen Langley- thanks for laughing at me and making me laugh every night, thanks for encouraging in the Lord and praying!

I love you both!

I had the best weekend.

I am loving my new book club. Even though we only met once.

I am being broken and humbled more than ever before.

I miss my friends.

I loved seeing Marcella, Alex and Andrew on Saturday.

I am way being in grading because I had too much fun this weekend.

My Dad and Mom just celebrated there 25th year at Fellowship in the Pass Church. It was amazing.

I love my life, may I always remember the blessings.