So many times I have tried to write this blog. I have given up every time because I refuse to be the woman who writes about prolonged singleness. I think somehow if I write about singleness it will keep me in a forever state of singleness, I will become the woman no man wants to date because they fear I would get serious too fast due to my candid blogposts about not wanting to be single, and then, I would be known as that woman you refer your single friends to, "You should read Merea's blog, she is single." NOOOO, I don't want to know how you feel, I want to be married. HA HA HA. and then my greatest fear of writing about singleness is perhaps the fear that God will actually use what I say in other women's lives. You say, "Wait, isn't that what you want Merea??" Yes, I do. But I would rather God use me in other ways. Why can't He use me in Married women's lives, mother's lives? Well......you see my point. =)
Now that I have admitted, confessed and repented. Here I am. Ready to write about it. and I TRULY hope this will encourage some of you out there. Whoever you are in the world wide web.
I decided I would write a 'How To' article that applies to Christian women who are 25 or older and have a desire to get married. Similar to the popular magazines out there, maybe they will publish this?? lol, jk, but seriously. Here's hopin.
How NOT to be encouraging:
So many people are well meaning when they say these things, and they make a single gal's heart just burst in two. I just thought I would let you know.
1. "When you finally reach contentment, God will bring Him along." OR "Stop looking, that's when it always happens." NOT ENCOURAGING. and I really want you to examine that faulty statement. Do you actually mean what you are saying? That I need to achieve something (contentment) to get a blessing from God? So those married are content and singles are not? You have achieved something that I have not achieved yet? I don't think that is true.
2. "Just enjoy being single right now." NOT ENCOURAGING. Just because it is hard occasionally, and we actually still have that deep longing to be married with children of our own, does not mean that we do not enjoy life. Sheesh. Now, I realize some women REALLY need to do this and stop moping around. However, I would venture to ask. Would you say that to a barren woman? What you are really telling a single woman(who wants to be married), is "just enjoy being unable to live out your deepest longing, just enjoy it." I don't think so. Not encouraging.
3. "Are you putting yourself out there?" NOT ENCOURAGING. What does that even mean in a Biblical context? I am very active, have a lot of guy friends, and am involved in a ton of activities. I still would like to be the woman that has a man pursue her. "If you chase a man, you will be chasing him the rest of your life." -Mark Driscoll
4. "You have all the time in the world." NOT ENCOURAGING. I might have time at home, but I don't have a family to come home to every night, I don't get to debrief the day with a spouse, and I am alone. Besides, single women have to work, they don't have all the time in the world.
5. Being afraid to talk about it. NOT ENCOURAGING. Single girls want to be asked about their lives.
How TO encourage your over 25 Christian girlfriends:
1. "You will have so much to offer your husband one day." That is the single most important and encouraging thing you can say to someone like me. I get teary eyed just typing it, some of us feel like we are old and not as fresh as we should be for a man. Hearing that we still have a lot to offer and have the potential to be great wives and mothers one day is really, SO ENCOURAGING!
2. Invite us to your family gatherings. Children's birthday parties, etc. I have heard so often "I am sure you don't want to hear about all of this boring baby stuff." yes, we do. Well, I do. and I am almost positive the rest of us do.
3. Tell us you are praying that God will grant us our heart's desire. SO ENCOURAGING.
4. Tell us that you understand why we are discouraged. SO ENCOURAGING. Having someone say to me "I don't understand either," is nice. Don't know why, but it is.
5. Point us to Christ. That is ALWAYS ENCOURAGING.
Now, I hope this does not have any hint of bitterness in it. That is not my heart at all. I just thought it would be nice to know how to encourage one another. NOW, I am going to task my friend Stephanie Rogers to write a "How to Encourage your married mothering friends." Because I know I fall short in that area. =) She is the greatest person to write this. I respect her so much.
For all the single ladies out there,
Merea (can't believe I just posted that, ahhhhhhhh)