Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Does anyone ever write about disapointment? I feel like blogs and myspace are all efforts to show everybody how amazingly creative you are and how eloquent you can be with your description.
Well.... right now in my life I am disapointed. Probably ultimately with God. I will just get right to the point, don't blame anything else to make myself feel more spiritual, but realize that it is Him I am disapointed with. Not because He has done anything that I should be disapointed with, for He is ever faithful. i guess what I am trying to say is that in my own self centered way of thinking, I am disapointed. Why has He not allowed certain things to happen to me? Why did He allow me to struggle with my health? Why do I feel like the only one who struggles with this? Why do I feel lonely? Why are all my friends married and having babies, while I continue down the path of single and professional? not that I am ready for that change in my life, but still. I feel different.

Why can't I snap out of it? Why can't I realize that He knows the path of life and in His presence there are treasures forever? Why can't I commit myself to His perfect purpose and be completely okay with it? and as you are reading, don't act like you have never asked these questions. Don't act like you do not struggle with this as well. I think we all struggle with God over our own desires sometimes. It is definately not excused, it is sin.

I am sinful. He is wonderful. I fall short. He surpasses comprehension. I am self-consumed. He sent His Son. I am struggling to make it. He is conforming me to Himself. Thank you Lord for promising to finish the work You started in us. Thank you Lord for Your mercies that are new every morning. Thank You for Your Word that is alive and pierces to the heart of me. Thank you for caring so much that You discipline. Thank You for being silent, so I understand Your presence even more. Thank You for loving Son, who died for me.


Chap said...

thank you for sharing. it's neat that i read that just tonight- the night I most need to hear it. Ugh. disappointing. I know that feeling too well- a feeling I am growing to hate as it constantly seeps in. but your words were encouraging..His word is encouraging.

Merea said...

I hope that you are doing better. Praise the Lord that He can take us to friends who understand. Hope you are encouraged my beautiful friend. Seek, trust, and confide in Him. He made you, He loved you, He died for you, He gave His righteousness to you, and gave you hope for eternity. HOPE is what has helped me in these times of disapointment, when it seems to be nonexistent, I see glimmers of it more and more.